So how do you find true peace, serenity and power that’s joy unspeakable?  Well I’d like to tell you how I came about finding it.  For me it’s been a process, but over the last year and a half it’s really become so much clearer for me.  Since October 2011, God has been molding and sifting me, and helping me heal of my need to control, of my codependency and perfectionism.  I’ve realized that for years I have tried to control and put up walls so I don’t get hurt.  I’ve used codependency, giving up myself and my own dreams and desires, to try and fix and rescue others in hopes they would love and accept me, and to not focus on my own hurts and issues.  I’ve stressed, worried and fretted, trying to be perfect in so many ways.  But with God’s help I’m learning to surrender my control, letting walls down, and trusting God and safe people.  And instead of allowing codependency to rule me, I’ve realized I have a voice and choice in life, and I’m learning to set healthy boundaries, to love, pray for and encourage others, but leaving them to take responsibility for themselves, and for me to be responsible for myself.  And instead of stressing out about being perfect and waiting to do something until I think it’s perfect, I’m learning to relax and be myself and enjoy the process of life, and just move forward with things in my life right where I am trusting God to guide and provide.

Looking back over my life as I’ve been healing this past year and a half, I’m thankful that at 10 years of age I made the most important decision I could, which was to have faith in Christ so I can receive eternal life, which His word says in Acts 2:38, is to believe in Him as Lord & Savior, repent and be baptized.  However, I’ve realized life is a process, and it’s not about a religion but a personal relationship with Him, as Galations states “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law…”.  Religion is more about man and laws, where God is not about religion, but about His Kingdom, a personal relationship with us here on this earth, and eternal life with Him forever.

For years I thought to know Christ was more about condemnation and guilt, but I’ve realized that it’s about a personal relationship with a loving, wise, caring, powerful Lord & Savior.  Man and their laws and Satan try to condemn us and make us feel guilty, where God convicts us and encourages us to do what’s right, and together, with Christ by my side, we walk through life together as I learn, grow and heal, through my surrendering to His love, power, wisdom and guidance.  I’ve received such freedom knowing that rather than me trying to abide by rules and regulations, and always failing and feeling guilty about doing so, that just by accepting His love, grace and gift of salvation, through belief, repentence (which is ongoing) and baptism I am His child.  It’s Done.  There’s nothing I can do to gain it — it’s a gift.  The more and more I surrender and let go to our creator the more I realize His word once again is so true, as He states in Matthew 11:30 — “My yoke is easy, and My burden is light”.  It’s man  and satan who try and put such weight and burdens on us, not our loving Father.  When Christ was on this earth he didn’t talk about religion, but about the love and kingdom of God.  The more I realize His great love and power the more I desire to do His will, out of love and appreciation for what He’s done for me.  And I’m realizing the more I surrender my will to His, the greater peace and contentment I actually have, and a power greater than myself makes the impossible, possible through Him.  I’m just in awe of the peace and power I have in my life by surrendering to Him.

To me surrendering was giving up control and power, which totally freaked me out.  But, I’m realizing more and more, that by surrendering I’m becoming more free and able to place my full trust in my creator, and rest in His loving arms.  Having a power in my life through Him that is amazing!  Instead of trying to force things to happen, I pray and surrender to my Heavenly Father who knows and wants what’s best for me, has the power and ability to provide what’s best for me, and loves me so much He wants to give what’s best for me, and I can be free to live and enjoy life in this beautiful world He created.  Of course this didn’t happen over night.  It’s been a process that I’ve learned and realized for 4 decades now.  As I continue to learn and grow over time, the more I realize His love, grace, compassion, and power, and the more I desire to seek His word for great wisdom and guidance in my life.

All I can say, where I am today, is that I’m so grateful, that even though for several years, I couldn’t open the Bible because I thought it was a book of “do’s and don’ts”, “rules & regulations”, that through prayer, healing and surrendering I’ve found it to be a book of truth, hope, promises and power for a life greater than I could have ever dreamed of.  I’m not saying that my life is free from the hurts, pain, sadness and all the things this life may bring, but I’ve realized that by surrendering my fears, anxieties, hurts, habits and hangups to my creator, who loves me so much he would have sent His son to die just for me.  Who is all wise, He made a way for us to get back to Him when we would sin.  Who is all powerful, that through the plan He provided, He was able to overcome sin and death.  And is so full of grace, that while we are still here on this earth filled with sin and destruction all around, He’s made a way, through a personal relationship with Him, and the power of the Holy Spirit to be able to be more than conquerers and have the ability to be filled with a peace, joy,contenment, and power that without surrendering and trusting fully in Him we can never attain.  As humans it’s just part of us to want a peace inside– to fill that void, and we all seek for it!  We all have vises to try and find it or run away from the pain and hurt.  Whether it’s abusing things in excess, or holding on tightly to things we don’t want to give up.  Over the years, mine has been work, trying to control, codependency and perfectionism.  I’ve realized, it doesn’t matter what the vise is, it just doesn’t work, but that Jesus is the only true vice to bring that consistant peace & power, to fill that void and overcome the hurts and pain.  By surrendering my vises daily, sometimes hourly, sometimes minute by minute to Him I am receiving a peace, joy, contentment and power overflowing.  But it’s a daily surrender, a daily commitment, a daily desire, daily prayer & meditation, daily claiming His promises, daily rebuking satan and the negative thoughts, daily journaling — because if not, the things of this world will try and take over, just like weeds in a beautiful lawn.  I know, I’ve been in both places.  I pray I remain with “one day at a time” on my mind, saying the serenity prayer, and seeking God’s word as I realize more and more each day, it is the only truth for all aspects of my life.  What a change in perspective I have of His word, since my willingness to surrender my hurts, habits and hangups to Him.

Even though I feel I have always been a very honest person, in my healing I realized I had been in denial and lieing to myself about so much.  But by being honest and facing the truth, and being comforted along the way with the love and help from God and safe people, I have realized a freedom and power I’ve never experienced, which again is written in God’s word in John 8:32  “…the truth shall set you free.”

I have gone through many ups and downs in this life, physically, financially, emotionally and mentally, but in this life’s journey, even when I tried to do it all on my own at times, He was right there by my side, waiting for me to surrender my hurts, habits & hangups so He could release me of my fears, anxieties and pain.  He promises He’ll never leave us nor forsake us.  He doesn’t force Himself on us.  He has given us that freedom of choice to try and do it on our own, or let Him in.  He is so patient with us and is ready to walk with us through life if we’ll just ask Him to come along.    I’ve found Him to be my BFF of all times, my one constant in an unstable world, and my firm foundation and solid rock when life is unsettling.  I am so grateful, for His love, patience, grace, compassion, and power, and for that I desire to do His will, not because I have to, but out of appreciation for what He’s done and continues to do for me.  And the more I do His will, the more I realize it’s all for my own good, the more peace, joy, contentment and power I truly have through Him.

If you are at a place in your life, where you feel it’s just too much to bear, and you’ve been hurt so many times, and you’re tired and exhausted and you don’t know who you can trust.  All you have to do is surrender it all to our loving Heavenly Father and He will bring a peace and power that’s unexplainable.  So many times we try to earn His love, His grace, His gift.  But we can’t earn it!  Sometimes we feel we’ve been too bad or done too much.  That’s not true.  Christ died for us while we were yet sinners – in our worst place — He loves us that much (Romans 5:8).  We may also feel whatever it is in our life is too big and we can’t get over it.  We can’t on our own, but if we just surrender it, God can totally give us what we need and the power to overcome it one day, one hour, one minute at a time.  It’s a process through life and God will help see us through it one day at a time.  God loves each of us right where we are, that’s why He sent His son.  It’s a gift He so desires to give us, all we have to do is believe, repent, be baptized, accepting His wonderful gift of grace, and then daily surrender our hurts, habits and hangups to Him, and He will love us, heal us and fill us with such a peace, power and joy it’s unexplainable.   Rebuke satan and his desire to make you beat yourself up for all you’ve done.  God’s at the door just waiting for you to open it right where you are, and He’s ready to love, comfort and be with you, providing a power over the impossible in your journey through this life, with a great gift of eternal life in the end.  It’s taken me 4 decades to get where I am today, and I’m so grateful He never gave up on me, and I’m so excited to see what He has in store for me.  Please know that He won’t give up on you either.  I’ve included a beautiful song that truly speaks to my heart, knowing that no matter where we are in life, or what we’ve done — “This one thing remains” – His LOVE NEVER FAILS–NEVER GIVES UP — NEVER RUNS OUT ON ME — It goes on & on & on & on!!!! by Kristian – Passion.  Click on the link to hear this song.  I hope you enjoy it and I pray you’ll let the words speak to you as well.  Remember, He loves you right where you are, and if you surrender to Him, He’ll walk with you along life’s journey providing a peace, contentment, power and joy unspeakable!

God bless!